the chair

A few moments in life when you question yourself, what is it that you really want to do? Bet its one of those we have all been in life. The answer then was simple “isn’t it too early to think”? You have got away with this one, but sooner or later it’s again going to flash like a strong red colored question mark. Then the quest really begins. You know for sure, life ahead is tough (you have always been told that). The only help to you is an experienced person (been there done it) “sure life is tough …I think you aren’t really working hard on it ...Back when I was your age….blah blah” utter rubbish, you don’t give a damn.

It was almost like the Buddha’s enlightenment t, you pretty soon figured out "I wanted to get into films". Albiet you only had a hazy picture, but the important element was you started relating to it. Watched a lot, talked a lot, you almost imbibed and drowned into movies. Every passing day you felt nothing but an extra added brick for the journey ahead (funny expression)

One and half month in the industry, you suddenly start doubting yourself. Let me reflect is it really me? …that me what you really want to be "well I guess I am a newbie" you are only learning things, the hardest and probably the best way.

you come to the city never wanted to be a part of, cribbing about it almost becomes an implication of you being scared of reality (dude face it you are in BOMBAY).Good lord I am here.

First day at work your boss gives you a dirt it’s like “oh you are an intern” the look oh man he just abused you .strange place, strange city, strange people, and there is someone always there to tell you “beta yahi hai yeh industry” god damn it arent you tired of this line. Rude people, the welcome you have got are below ordinary, in fact filth. Almost a week has passed, time has been tough. Traveling is a bi**h freaking expensive rikshawalas , now it’s the time when you contemplate “should have taken the train” .You have now entered the world of sweaty ,sticky ,stinky and a mean bunch of travelers .This isn’t the easiest thing to do . Work place is scary, at any given time your boss can ridicule you. Who are you? Nobody gives a damn ,it’s a tough place you got to learn things in the hardest way(keep reminding), a non paid , non appreciated job , at times gets so non creative, no friends no family to keep you in the shell. Boy this is a mean world, the real world. A seventeen hour shoot you tried to catch the chair ones , your legs have almost given up, the chair across looks so inviting ,the moment you get hold of it ,your chief AD (assistant director)tells you “ need to earn it my friend” I smirk and walkaway(gosh why!).you meet your boss on an odd day gives you a look (hard to describe),you are looking for a bit of appreciation he looks at you , says “I am sure there is a better way to earn a living but I guess you are doing fine” that’s what you are looking at, appreciation .Every passing day I felt my mark to that place ,which only got deeper and deeper .

you try looking for the answer to your boss .If things are so tough why am I really here, you look back ,what is it that brings me here? What if things really don’t work out? The answer was simple. When I went to bed I could not sleep without thinking about the ultimate movie I want to make, it’s almost like a lullaby every night. It’s purely about love, when you are passionate about your work you don’t care about other things’ even when I thought of my work, I could have easily ignored my shoots , escapism becomes the easiest way, sooner you realize your presence there is only because deep down you love being there it’s just that you haven’t asked yourself as yet .

This has been one of the greatest time of my life and I am extremely happy to be a part of this industry.

Just today I heard a beautiful line “you have to be in the industry to change it”. I don’t really want to change it but definitely be a part of it. When I think of my work I now see myself very close to that chair, time and hard work will help me sit on it.

A few days ago in a discussion at home, an indistinct memory though I guess subconsciously I learnt a lot of how a work place is, I am thankful to all those who have helped me understand work and people vividly

I will some up all of this as a great experience and will say good bye to this city (for a bit) in a happy and the most content manner.